Fourtitude.com - At the end of my rope...
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    1. Junior Member
      Join Date
      Jun 25th, 2016
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      Wet Coast
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      2003 POS
      12-02-2017 11:41 PM #1
      Ok, so the kid is doing better, but now my wife has gone off the deep end. She's always been bad with money, but in the last couple of years, she's been getting credit cards without me knowing and racking them up to the limit. She spends all her money and more on worthless junk. Cheap crap that ends up being thrown away, eating out, booze, trips to expensive salons that are totally out of her price range, etc. She bought a brand new car by getting her dad to co-sign the loan (I refused), and she also got him to co-sign a line of credit (which I didn't know about). She works, but has not contributed to the household for about three years now. She was supposed to be paying off her debt, but instead accumulated more. This past spring, she no longer had the cash flow to pay the interest, couldn't borrow any more, and so our options were to declare bankruptcy (she has too much equity in our home for a consumer proposal) or refinance our mortgage. The banks won't go near her, so I had to pay a substantial interest penalty to get out of our mortgage, take her name of the title, and qualify on my own. $150k later, she's out from her crushing debt load and able to contribute to the household. Only she doesn't. She is self-employed, and grosses about $4k/mo, all of which she spends on herself. She has no money to pay her taxes, and leaves me to pay for the mortgage, the utilities, the groceries, etc. On top of that she's now also stealing from me, so she can buy more worthless crap. I really think it's pathological with her, and I can't deal with this, and her myriad of other problems anymore. She's been to counseling for this (and other problems), but nothing ever changes. I don't think she's being honest with herself or her counselors, and continues to blame other people and circumstances, and keeps coming home with more prescriptions, but there never any results. I really don't think there is any way I will trust her again, and I don't see there is anything left to salvage. She's already ruined me once, and a divorce will probably ruin me again and take my kids from me. Can my life ever be something other than a steaming pile of vomit, or should I just resign myself to a life of misery?

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    3. Member Bibs's Avatar
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      Sep 17th, 2001
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      SW Ontario
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      All Mazdas: CX-9, 3, Miata
      12-04-2017 05:45 PM #2
      Oh crap, what a horrible burden. I don't know what to say, but it sounds like she's not capable of properly caring for the kids?

      I never want to see marriages end, but this sounds unfixable.
      I'd have things well documented, and seek legal advice.

      You have a life to live, so do your kids. Being part of this disaster isn't good for you or them.

    4. 12-05-2017 04:34 PM #3
      sorry man. i think you need to speak with an attorney and start planning an exit strategy.

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    6. Member
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      Sep 14th, 2010
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      Bothell, WA
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      2019 Mini Countryman S 6MT, 2013 RB R
      12-18-2017 08:24 AM #4
      This sucks.

      Have the two of you gone to marriage counseling? I am guessing that the overspending is only the symptom of the underlying "illness". So I think you need to try and figure out what that illness is.

      If you have tried EVERYTHING you can to save the marriage, I don't think anyone could fault you for moving on. And just start working on getting everything in order to be able to have custody of the kids. Cause anyone in their right mind can see that you are the more "fit" parent.

      The biggest thing that I have learned is that life is WAY too short to be unhappy.

      Good luck and keep us posted

    7. Member atomicalex's Avatar
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      Feb 2nd, 2001
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      02-16-2018 08:39 AM #5
      Dude.....

      This is when you divorce. You are not divorcing because you hate her, you are divorcing because the civil side of marriage is destroying you. You need to financially sever from her.

      Please go see an estate lawyer.
      たくさんとうふ、よ Where did all these damn Toyotas come from?
      Compared to a British roadster, all Volkswagens are reliable!
      nevAr Lose - DE Minister of Foreign Affairs and Deputy Bankruptcy Controller - IPROfftopikstan, kuhlBRZ

    8. Junior Member
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      Jun 25th, 2016
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      Wet Coast
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      2003 POS
      04-28-2018 12:55 PM #6
      Well, I guess it's time for an update...

      My wife (accurately) suspected I was seeing a lawyer and contemplating divorce, and decided to preempt me. She packed up and left while I was away on a business trip in January. She wouldn't tell me where she'd taken our kids, alleging family violence. The courts have since decided I am not a danger to anybody, and that I can have equal parenting time (unsupervised). So that's good.

      What's not so good is that the court doesn't see that there is one party with a successful career, and another who is overeducated , underemployed, and gaming the system. What they see is one party who is a burden to society, and another with a paycheck that can get her off the dole. Child support doesn't affect income or eligibility to receive social assistance, so they will want me to pay spousal support to get her taxable income to at least a living wage. Because child support comes first and doesn't count as income to her, the amount I would have to pay to accomplish this is staggerinlg. I would also be responsible for the majority of expenses for the children that fall outside the scope of child support, which means paying for daycare and after school care so she can pretend to work. All told, she would have nearly three times my disposable income if she and the courts get their way.

    9. Member Bibs's Avatar
      Join Date
      Sep 17th, 2001
      Location
      SW Ontario
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      1,902
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      All Mazdas: CX-9, 3, Miata
      05-04-2018 05:27 PM #7
      What a terrible situation...the system is not set up for a fair assessment.
      I haven’t been though it, but have seen friends get put through it.

      Not sure what to say, but hang in there, hug your kids, and if you’re a religious type, pray for strength.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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